Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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