My nipple is on Facebook.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
