just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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