ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
