Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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