So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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