Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize