Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
The Olympian is in my bed
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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