I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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