I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
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I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
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No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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