It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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