I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
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