That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
