Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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