Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize