I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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