Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
