He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
