Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
