Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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