Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
