he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
