he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
