i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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