Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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