omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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