How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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