my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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