the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
