i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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