hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
