You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
