She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
