My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
