Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
