just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
