Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
