Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
