do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I came so hard my ears popped.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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