dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
