Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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