Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
