She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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