I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
