i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I deserve to be covered in dicks
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
