its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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