Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
