Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
