Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
