Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
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Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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