there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Let's get the cat blown out
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
