Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Randomize
