I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
