There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
