oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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