So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Welp...herpes.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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