First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
