too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Vodka?
Forever.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
