Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
this beer tastes like vomit already
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
