No I am not eating basil off your cock
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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