I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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