During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
