can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
