In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
