dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
