I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
