That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
