she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
