WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
