She went from zero to smokin in five shots
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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