Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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