I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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