Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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