and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I just googled if crying burns calories
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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